What do you feel before, and after going with a girl

Archiv 1999-2007
1

Apologies if I am writing in english, but my written german is very very bad.

I was wondering whether you wish to share your feeling, emotions and thought that motivates you choosing to go with a girl, when you are approaching the address, when you call her once more to have her door open, when you see her, …and after when you leave and you go home.

I feel very very nervous before and quite frustrated afterwards (not every time though). The state of mind that pushes me to call and visit a girl is strange: it is not properly sexual arousement but more a compelling need to go.

I hope you don’t mind sharing your thoughts. I would appreciate a lot and I thank you all in advance.

Yours,
K

2

No probs. English is a common language. I guess there’s a lot of guys who understand your posting.

Well, I guess it’s pretty an interesting topic. Actually I aspected more from your writing. You know more about your feeling and why it’s a compelling to see a girl, why you are frustrated and so on…

Even my English it’s not the best, I’ll try to tell about my feeling, emotion or motivation to see a girl. Maybe I have to change the topic a little bit in „what I feel before, and after go…(when I already knew the girl)“

To be honest, normally (3 to 4 times in my life) I call a girl because my feeling/body/soul requires some sexual time. But in the last few months, it was more a mix. Sexual arousement, having a really good time, beeing close to the girl, feeling her warmth, having a good conversation,… I have to admit, that I only have this mix because I already knew the girl.

Anyway, back to the topic: what I feel before… I’m always really nervous, ok, I’m not really shaking, but the heartbeat it’s definitively faster. If I know the girl I’m having a huge smile on my face when she’s open the door. She’s having a big smile, too. It’s kind of strange but it’s a good sign. For me it means that both are happy to see each other and will enjoy the next hours.

What I feel after I go… I don’t think that I’m frustrated. Why should I, when I had a sensual time with her. The last few times I always left with the biggest smile in the world. It’s kind of „wow, what a great time“. Not only the sex, but really everything. Of course it’s sad that the hours are going by so fast. But I try to take the positiv feeling with me. So I’m definitively not frustrated.

Maybe my thread it’s not really the best because I change your topic a little bit. But I’m always nervous and I’ve never left a girl frustrated. Ok, the smile might be not so big, but there’s still a smile, even it’s a small one.

Whatever, I hope you guys understand my report… it’s really hard to write in english about this topic. I’m used to speak English but not about such a kind of topic.

with my best regards

Lepo

3

@karimm
These are very interesting questions you ask, and some of them i asked myself also long ago. Let me answer some of them, which however could lead to put new ones:

Before:
Before i go visit a girl, i felt also often very nervous in the past. This has changed however, and now it is more the kind of nervousness of children, waiting at the closed door to the Christmas tree. The reason therefore lies, i think, in the fact, that i developed a kind of routine, and also that i started to ask myself consciously, „why the heck you want to go right now?“ Then i found, that several answers were possible, e.g. sexual arousement, doing something good to me, meeting a lovely being and so on. But when the anser was unclear or as you mentioned „a compelling need to go“ i tried to renounce or put my mind on a more concrete need.
I found that this strategy was very successful in forcing the nervousness away and giving room for this „childrenlike joy“.

When I see her:
This would be a very long story, maybe you are fluent enough, to read my Germany Postings, because i think they show quite honest, what is going on in this moment. As this is a very rich and joyful field, it is still going on, and i think i will never get to an end of learning.
But it is an absolute must for me, to reckon, that i must not expect to much, but must be ready to give all, in order to get stellar moments.

After, when i go home:
I learned this last year more than ever before, that sex, erotic, feeling, emotion are single elements of what i call love. The more i experience, the less i can separate sex from feelings, love from erotic and so on. I may be an old kind of guy, but for me, this conclusion is as sure as 200%. If you read my last postings about Meggy and Niky, you might know, what i mean.
This is why, i dont go out frustrated anymore (like i did also before many times!), but happy like a child, and even cant wait for the next time, i can see her. Strange to say, that this also hurts sometime, but all in all, i believe, this is all the happyness, live can give you.

I`d be interested in hearing your thoughts.

Good luck
Swamper

4

@karimm
I think, that most everybody here can understand the feelings you described. To me, they seemed pretty commonplace, espescially the nervousness when approaching a hot date. On the other hand, this is getting „better“ with experience and when you will have once graduated from Rookie to Swordsman, the shaking of your hands and knees will be less prominent. The funny „low“ feeling in the aftermath, can be filed under postcoital depression and varies very much, correlating with the positive/negative bandwidth of the experienced encounter.
Tucson

5

Ich erlaube mir, diesen Thread in deutsch fortzusetzen.

Gefühle vorher:
Da kann ich mich sehr gut Swamper anschliessen. Der Vergleich mit dem Weihnachtsmann stimmt völlig. Es ist so eine Mischung von Freude (Herzklopfen), Aufgeregtheit (Bauchweh) und Nervosität (kalte Hände). Vor allem wenn ich wieder mal ein neues WG ausprobiere, kommen mir diese Gefühle.

Gefühle nachher:
In neun von zehn Fällen: war es jetzt das wert? Was hast du bekommen, das zu Hause oder bei einer Geliebten nicht bekommen hättest? Ich merke je länger je mehr bei mir, dass ich nach GF6 mit einem WG wie leer und noch hungrig rausgehe. So sinngemäss: war das schon alles? Mittlerweile gehe ich deshalb weniger ins Puff, dafür aber intensiver. Auch meine Auswahlkriterien sind inzwischen sehr eng gefasst. Früher habe ich einfach alles gefickt, was mir vor den Schw…kam. Entsprechend „leer“ bin ich jeweils aus dem Bordell rausgekommen.
Heute bin ich viel wählerischer, gehe meistens einmal vorher - ohne Geld- vorbei, umd die Dame kennenzulernen. Und erst dann schlage ich zu.
Mit dieser Methode fahre ich jetzt schon seit einiger Zeit recht gut. Und das Gefühl ist dann meistens - nicht immer: Wow, das war jetzt wirklich heiss.

Herzlichen Gruss

Na-PO-leon

6

I guess visiting a prostitute is a bit like Christmas: a bit of a hype beforehand, potentially very expensive, half of whether you’ll enjoy it is beyond your control and always a bit of an anti-climax. Sometimes you feel disappointed when unwrapping your gifts, other times you get much more than you expected. Repeat performances can greatly improve what you receive in return for your investment but then again, the low once the whole thing is over can be much worse. Yes, I suppose it is very much like Christmas.

The problem I can read between your lines is that you seem to believe what you are doing is wrong. In a way, you are right, this industry feeds some very nasty aspects of our society. But there are a lot of women out there who are in it with a passion, who genuinely enjoy finding out what pleases you.

Some clients would say things like „I can never have a girl like you as a girlfriend, that makes me sad“. This is absolutely rubbish, in fact, an average guy with a great personality and who knows how to make a woman happy is much more interesting than a young stud who thinks he is God’s gift to women. But I don’t think that’s the issue here.

And if it’s any help, even we women are nervous with a new client. Sometimes you try too hard to please and end up seeming overly professional. Sometimes you worry that he doesn’t really find you attractive and only picked you because nobody else was free. You worry that the guy may be a bit crazy. In the end, you usually realise it was not worth the worry at all.

So relax, don’t think about it too much and believe me, a woman should not be in this business if she doesn’t understand that sometimes it is just about a guy shooting his load somewhere else than his own hand/shower/pile of tissues. Just don’t do things that may harm yourself or the lady in question.

7

@Strubbeli: It’s nice to read, that the women feel sometimes the same. It shows even more the human beeing of a WG. You’re right, sometimes we should relax a little bit more and don’t think about it too much. But in fact, it’s easy to say than to make it. I often try to not think so much about specific topics, but it’s really hard. Sometimes I think it’s a really bad habit (of mine) to care so much about people or their statements. In one way it’s bad, in the other it’s kind of respect the people and what they are saying.

8

@strubbeli: you are a highly intelligent person and your posting is brilliant. Danke, das ist einfach super und besser kann man es nicht sagen.

9

hört doch auf hier zu posten, nur um eure englischkenntnisse zu beweisen!

10

@chomi
In dem Fall ist keines der Einzelherzchen von dir.
Man fragt sich manchmal schon, was jetzt wieder nicht gut ist. Nun denn, ich hoffe es bringt dem ursprünglichen Poster was, dann hat es seinen Zweck erfüllt.

Strubbeli, who thinks men should be cunning linguists, among other things

11

@biggusdickus

Was ist Dir denn gestern passiert? Deine Reaktion finde ich unverständlich. Englisch, wie übrigens auch französisch und spanisch sind Weltsprachen (was deutsch definitiv nicht ist). Es spielt doch keine Rolle in welcher Muttersprache jemand schreibt, solange es von der Mehrzahl (ich würde sagen über 75% der User) verstanden wird. Da gehören englisch und französisch definitiv dazu. Wer’s nicht versteht, kann ja höfflich um eine Übersetzung bitten. Geholfen wurde in diesem Threat noch jedem.
Das Antworten ist etwas anderes - das stimmt. Vielleicht ist Dein Englisch nicht so gut, dass Du das ausdrücken kannst, was Du auch sagen willst. Das hingegen ist wieder eine typische Schweizerkrankheit; wir glauben immer perfekt sein zu müssen. Zu Deinem Trost: das sind die Wenigsten. Einfach losreden und -schreiben ist immer noch das Beste. Ich finde es grossartig, dass wir mehrere Sprachen (keinesfalls fehlerfrei) verstehen und sprechen können.
Es gibt übrigens noch die andere Version, diejenige von Napoleon. Er hat das Thema verstanden und antwortet in deutsch, weil er sich vielleicht in englisch zu unsicher fühlt. In viele Unternehmen und auch im Schweizer Militär funktionniert das. Du siehst, es gibt immer eine Lösung und zu Deiner Info: Männer die Sprachen können sind sexy (siehe: Strubbeli, who thinks men should be cunning linguists, among other things)
Eines möchte ich Dir nicht unterstellen oder hoffe es zumindest nicht. Du bist Ueli Maurer’s Stall beigetreten und findest ab sofort man muss wie zu Hause reden. In seinem Falle: züridütsch. Alles Andere ist unnatürlich.

Auch ich kann nur Strubelis Aussagen folgen: besser kann man es nicht sagen.

12

Ein historischer Moment.

Aber biggusdickus, ich muss nichts beweisen und du mit deinem Namen als römischer Stadtvorsteher oder was auch immer der in Life of Brian war suggeriert doch wenigstens Mindestkenntnisse im Angelsächsischen. Ich denke aber, dass diese Diskussion müssig ist und dem OP nicht helfen wird.
Man könnte ja eine Fremdsprachenecke einrichten, Ex-Pat Punters oder so.
Strubbeli, die mehr als Französisch, Spanisch und Griechisch hinkriegt

13

Thanks for your answers… and sorry whether the fact I prefer posting in english might have sound unpolite. Proper hoch deutsch is a very precise idiom, and I prefer make no true offence with my attempts.

I started the thread because of curiosity. Possibly to know other’s thoughts, in order to know myself better. In my case, the very first times with girls I was somehow driven to „investigate“ whether I had a physical or a psychological-only block in some aspects of my sexuality.

It turned out it is psychological and that my physiology is working, which makes such issues no easier to solve, but that’s another story.

I guess because of a religious education, of social constraints, of other (floating) personal beliefs, it is indeed the case some of you pointed: I am not entirely sure that visiting a girl is something „I like“ / „I need“ / „I should look for“ and so on… Nevertheless I did it then to fulfill some sexual fantasy of mine, and I admit I wanted to explore my desires instead of repressing them. At least now I know their taste.

Maybe inside myself I knew I was forcing myself to do something never really resulting into making a fantasy true. Then I was shaking and was extremely nervous (at the beginning).
In addition, (by definition) the girls are working and their professional attitude is perfectly acceptable though conflicting with such a sexual fantasy. In my mind, girls are always unconditionally and passionately involved in having sex with me and of course this I can’t find necessarily in somehow who never saw me before.

Afterwards, the „down“ I experienced (not all the time but most of the times) may come from realizing that what I was looking for was not existing. Will that girl remember me ?

Maybe I need to learn to „take my part, in sex“… instead of focusing on „giving“ and remaining fascinated (or disappointed) in feeling my partner enjoying or pretending.

K

14

karimm
I dont think you should renounce of focusing on giving and remaining fascinated in feeling your partner. In the contrary, i believe that this is one of the main conditions for really deep and joyful encounters. Stay as you are,you are a fine person! If you want to renounce seeing a working girl, then dont go, if you think it will enrich your life, then go!

All the best
Swamper